Last year and this year, I had not written much on blog. Forgive me for those who always concern about my blog, my writings.
I do regret for not finishing many of the stories I wrote. But I believe what you guys like to read most, from me, is my short passages. Talking about my view on life, the surroundings of all of us. Many of you told me, what I wrote are something exact in the heart of you all and my way of thinking solve the problems or dilemma.
Exactly, what is the difference between me and you? Maybe because I can't stop thinking this and that, except when I am sleeping? I don't really know. I always have been a weirdo to many of you.
To me, I have so used to being alone, walking alone, sleeping alone, shopping alone. Get a cup of Starbucks Caffe Latte and read books whole afternoon is so normal to me. My parents have always been confident enough to let me decide things by myself. Yeah, I admit I have good parents who respect me so much.
So, I am alone. So what? Let it be. Lonesome won't kill me. I can survive. Yeah, I don't like to being alone like you all do, but I am not afraid of it. Must remember, no one can accompany you always, not from the start till the end. Someone who may really do this for you, believe me, he or she is damn tired inside. You never know how much sacrifice to be made and how deep the love is, for him or her doing so. So, grown up and dare to be alone! Don't let your loved ones so tired, give him or her a rest once in a while.
I personally believe that dare to be alone is a strength. Build up your courage to face anything on your own, independent! You will learn to be calm in every situation, good or bad, you can overcome it very well. Sometime, you may regret for doing some stupid stuff, eg donating money to fake charity organisations. But, you will learn from the lesson, slowly you will know how to reject all those cheaters.
I dare to admit, I got cheated more than once. Yea, seem so stupid those days. Though the me, for now, will never fall for the same trap, or better to say, will never shy to reject. Whenever people keep persuading you to do something, you reject it once, but the person did not back off and try convince you again, you will get less immune to his/ her words, then finally too shy to reject and fall into the trap. Damn, right? Many people regret after paying the money.
Don't be a weakling anymore. The Malaysia now is getting stronger in economy, inflation takes place and standard of living getting higher and higher. In the end, if you still did not dare to be a strong minded person, you will get kicked out from the high society. All your hard work has turn out to be nothing. Dare to speak what you think, dare to do what is right.
I may be too far away in this topic, but I believe you all can catch my meaning, especially to those who did presentations many times and currently working in real life. In my situation, now, I'm building up my courage, to live through my new life, to be single again, to be alone again. To face who is the most important to me without getting emotions involve, to control my own feelings all the time, is a much bigger challenge than you could imagine.
I dare to say, my way of doing things hurt myself most, but I am willing to do so. It's a sacrifice, which is a must, in my position. I'm doing my best to keep my promises, to always be there when needed. I seem stupid to some experienced people, though they couldn't stop me. The love in me gives me the strength, the power and the courage to continue, to move on. Someday, I may seem so far away, but in my heart, the same person still lives there. Someday, maybe, I can forget that I am loving somebody, and maybe I can love someone else, though at least now, I can't imagine I would love any others.
The pure feeling, pure love in my heart is so strong. It stops my tears, it brings my tears. I could be the bravest , fearless person infront of love, I could also be the coward and silently cry for my sad love. Broken heart, I never thought this could happen to me, it tears my inner self. I may cry for love often, but I know deep inside, I am a strong person, strong for love. And now I am strong enough to break my own heart for love.
Somehow, I couldn't imagine to hold someone else, other than my love, cry infront of my next partner or do all those silly things and bare all the pains myself anymore. Most importantly, I don't know how to love someone else, I can't calculate how many years do I need to spend just to let go the love I am holding tight to my heart now. Forever, there is this memory of love inside my soul, I will always remember I have gave my heart to this special someone and lived a blissful period before. I shall appreciate it, take it as a precious first love of mine. If I'm not mistaken, all my crying, the tears have spared more than boxes of tissues, hahaha... How memorable it is...
For my next love, if I have, I hope you could understand my pain, and remember I am an honest person. I am not comparing you to this someone, I'm telling you a story of my life. I have been waiting for the right person, for so many years, and whom I met is not you yet, probably. Or maybe I shall be alone for my whole life.
I might already be very good to many who know me. But I still want to be someone better than whom I am now.
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